I sit watching you humans lots, and you do make me chuckle at times. I have heard and read, lots on the news, and on social media sites recently, about this general election coming up. I had to ask my pet human what it was all about, and it explained it all to me. We have a similar thing on Mars, except for one thing -we don’t see the Unicorns faces, only which parties are in the election, and what their policies are because those are really the only things which matter, aren’t they? Yes, you have a prime minister, but that person alone does not make, nor deal with things alone from what my pet human told me, and from the research I have done. One other thing we use, which it doesn’t seem you humans look at very much, is history. Unicorns love their history because it is a great way to learn about things, you can look at what went wrong, or right, when, and by who.
I decided to do a bit of research for you Humans, in the hope of giving you a fresh take on your political vision. Let me start by introducing you to your political history Britain. How many of you humans knows who has been Prime Minister, and which party they have been from for the last Century? Shall we take a look, because I think you will be shocked;
Unicorns are not renowned for their math skills, we are much better at glitter farts, looking pretty, and self-defence, but this unicorn has worked out that this means in the last 112 years In Britain, you have had;
3 Liberal Prime Ministers, for a total of 16 years. The last Liberal Prime Minister was Herbert Henry Asquith, he left office in 1916. So in the last 101 years, you have never ever had a liberal Prime Minister in power, unless you count the coalition with the Conservatives, or Tories as you humans prefer to call them.
6 Labour Prime Ministers, for a total of just over 23 years. James Ramsey MacDonald in 1924, was only Prime Minister for a few months in 1924, which is why I said just over. The last time you had a real Labour Prime Minister in power in Britain was 41 years ago when Harold Wilson left office in 1976. Just to be clear on this, after all the reading, and listening to the various things this feisty Unicorn has, I have not included Tony Blair and Gordon Brown as Labour Prime Ministers, because, well, they were not real Labour people. I know sometimes it seems to take a Unicorn to state the blindingly obvious, but New Labour were not real Labour. They were TID, rather like CID – they both like the colour Blue, they are both in disguise, but are not always very good at the disguise part, meaning you can tell them a mile off.
You have had no less than 17 Tory Prime Ministers, they have been in charge of Britain for 81 years in the last 112 years as I went back to 1905 not 1900 for these figures.
That probably shocks some of you, doesn’t it? I have heard a lot from humans – even when they haven’t realised because we Unicorns have the power to read minds. The overwhelming majority of humans alive in Britain today believe it does not matter who they give power to next month because they firmly believe all politicians are all the same. ‘They all piss in the same pot’, I believe is the correct colloquialism. Well I fail to see how many of you have come to this conclusion, given that unlike Unicorns humans are not immortal, how on earth could any of you aged below 40 even know?! You have never ever known a real opposition party be in power by themselves, you have only known a Tory & Lib Dem coalition. I will repeat again, for those who didn’t see or have forgotten, ‘New Labour’, Blair, Brown, and the rest of that particular rabble were not real Labour. In doing what they did, they have left an unfortunate slur on the name of the Labour party, which is part of the reason some people will not vote for Labour. I understand that the lies are at the heart of the reason you believe this, you were led into an illegal war, the economy was sunk, banks and building societies needed bailing out by you, the great British public – because let’s face it, it was your money, your taxes which went to bail everyone out of the mire. If you are still in any doubt whatsoever over where Tony Blairs true alliegience lies, then please allow this Unicorn to present you with some rather compelling information, which you may have missed with the rest of the election stuff that is going on.
Your old Prime Minister, Mr Blair has been speaking about all things general election, and the man who claims to be a member of the Labour party recently said the following;
He also praised Theresa May, arguing: “She’s very sensible, she’s a very decent person, she’s very solid, I agree with a lot she says.”
Mr Blair has previously admitted that he “wouldn’t want to win on an old-fashioned leftist platform” like Jeremy Corbyn’s, “even if I thought it was the route to victory”.
You can find this story online, from many different newspapers, & websites. The main part of his argument is surrounding Brexit, and how he thinks you should vote for getting the easiest withdrawal for the British public from the EU. But just look at that again humans, one of the men who some of you humans spotted as a Tory plant inside Labour, the rest, however, are of the belief he represents the Labour party in general. He has just stuck up for the Tory party, and Theresa May. I will also tell you in case you don’t read the article, or others on this, he is also threatening a return to Politics!
That brings me nicely on to the next issue which I think you people suffer from, the inability to look beyond the one public face leading a party, the one face who will become Prime Minister. I happen to know that a lot of you are refusing to vote for Labour because you do not like Jeremy Corbyn. Which begs the question do you like Theresa May?! If not then as ever, this Unicorn is very confused with the way humans think. All I have seen for a long time now is how badly the Tory party run the Country, I have seen it for myself, in all honesty, I wouldn’t let any of that party brush my mane, or polish my head weapon/horn. But some of you are going to vote for a Tory you dislike, a Tory party you dislike, and risk having them in power for many years yet despite how bad they are at the job. Are you really going to cut your noses off to spite your faces? Let me take highlight a few things for you here & now. The prime minister is basically a talking head. They do not have complete and utter control, the government has different people in charge of different areas, so for instance in charge of the NHS you have the health minister, in charge of the armed forces you have the defence secretary. This is not a popularity contest between May and Corbyn, or any other talking head people. This is you deciding, given all the available information, which party you are putting in charge of Britain in June. What you need to be looking at is which party you trust, which party do think will make an effort to meet their campaign pledges, & which are just spouting things you have been complaining about out as policies to try and sway your vote? Which party have proven historically they do not stick to what they say, what they promise is what they think you want to hear. Now this Unicorn is not silly, and I am going to believe that most humans are not deep down, I seem to pick up a lot of misunderstanding and fear from many humans about many issues. I understand your doubt, I had doubts before leaving Mars to come to Earth, but we unicorns have a saying, “Fear is only in our minds, but it’s taking over all the time” Having known nothing else, I am sure some of your concerns are due to experiencing what we Unicorns describe as drip fed doubt syndrome. I have noticed that many of your media outlets contain a lot of untruths or extremely manipulated versions of the truth. You are told whose to blame for things by certain ‘newspapers’, even though a lot of you seem to be aware of some of it, many humans are not. They think the other humans are conspiracy theorists, that they are a little bit barmy, that they do not know what they are talking about. Thank goodness you have not got a head with a weapon on like we Unicorns, or I think you’d wipe each other our some days with your constant sniping and biting at each other. Instead of arguing amongst yourselves you should be taking it upon yourselves to find out the real facts, discussing them with your family, friends, neighbours, see what the people closest to you think, so you can go make an informed vote. I will also urge you again people to look at your own history.
The next part you human beings need to consider is what the main manifesto pledges, from each party the General Election 2017 are. Do they meet your needs, do your think they are fair to the many, do you think they are pledges which even if you don’t totally agree with them, you compromise on in order to vote the best party into power. For example, let us take a look at where each of the main parties stands on this dreadful Brexit business as this seems to be all many humans talk about.
To Brexit or not to Brexit
– Lib Dem – Their manifesto is to include a promise for holding another referendum about leaving the EU & the final Brexit deal. The party would campaign for a Remain outcome. Tim Farron has said campaigning against “hard” Brexit will be “front and centre” of the party’s election campaign. The party says the UK should remain in the single market and a vote should take place on the “final deal” between the UK and the European Union.
– Labour’s shadow Brexit Secretary Sir Keir Starmer stated there will not be a second referendum if Labour were elected. He did say there would have to be transitional arrangements at the end of the two-year Article 50 process. He says Labour would prioritise our trade with the EU; it may mean Britain stay in the customs union, & would hopefully give EU citizens a guarantee they would be able to carry on living sin Britain, They would replace the government’s proposed Great Repeal Bill – Britain would no longer be legally held to the 1972 European Communities Act, but some of the laws which we have been living by in the UK which were EU law, would be put forward to become UK law, they aim to do this with an EU Rights and Protections Bill.
– Tory leader Theresa May has said there is “Absolutely no way” the UK can remain part of the single market. She believes that would be the equivalent of “not actually leaving the EU”. She also says the UK needs to secure a new customs agreement, as things stand being part of the customs union prevents the UK being able to sign up on trade deals globally. She has said voters need to show how much they are behind her, with a huge turn out & vote in favour of the Tory party. She claims that this will boost her position when she is in talks with the rest of the EU, regarding Brexit.
– SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon is still pushing for Scotland voted to have a special status within the EU after Brexit, this will include remaining in the single market, as Scotland voted to remain. She is also calling for a second referendum with regard to Scottish independence from England, before the Brexit package has been finalised.
– The Green Party have said they would offer a second referendum on the details of any Brexit deal, this referendum will give all those aged 16 upwards the right to vote.
You should have some idea after reading that which party you would vote for if it were on this subject alone. However it is not the only one, I have heard Labour want to give all school children free school dinners, the Tories are pledging to improve mental health services, just as a couple of examples. Now I am quite a good Unicorn when it comes to bringing you the information you need, I am however also a very busy Unicorn, I am getting my Hooves done soon, so do not have the time to sit & tell you what every manifesto, from every party contains. You can go & look at that online, a word of warning from me, just be careful where you are sourcing news from, & the golden unwritten law of your cyber world, is that you should never ever rely on just one or two sources, look at lots of different articles, from many different sources. You should from that be able to figure out which you agree with, and which you don’t. `And there you have it humans, the best way in which to decide where to cast your vote in a couple of weeks time. My final advice is to you all, to not let your mind be swayed by others, friends, family, people or Unicorns on the internet. It will be you who are amongst those who have to live with the outcome of the election. If there are no spaces for Unicorns anymore, or if you collectively make a huge mistake, then I can fly back over to Mars to escape the consequences. As yet humans do not possess that power, you do possess a mind, a heart, & a right to vote. I hope this weary Unicorn has helped you a little bit, to better decide, or how else to think about where to put your vote,
I will be back sooner or later, as I have lots of things I have been investigating lately, & a, looking forward to bring you those stories. Until then, over & out!
Anyone doubting how Tory Tiny Tony & Big Blue Brown were, coloured graph 2015, other 2 present day May 2017, even the current Tory party are not as far right