Unicorn Investigation Unit: Parties & Policies, not People & Propoganda.

I sit watching you humans lots, and you do make me chuckle at times.   I have heard and read, lots on the news, and on social media sites recently, about this general election coming up. I had to ask my pet human what it was all about, and it explained it all to me.  We have a similar thing on Mars, except for one thing -we don’t see the Unicorns faces, only which parties are in the election, and what their policies are because those are really the only things which matter, aren’t they?  Yes, you have a prime minister, but that person alone does not make, nor deal with things alone from what my pet human told me, and from the research I have done.   One other thing we use, which it doesn’t seem you humans look at very much, is history.  Unicorns love their history because it is a great way to learn about things, you can look at what went wrong, or right, when, and by who.

I decided to do a bit of research for you Humans, in the hope of giving you a fresh take on your political vision.  Let me start by introducing you to your political history Britain.  How many of you humans knows who has been Prime Minister, and which party they have been from for the last Century?  Shall we take a look, because I think you will be shocked;

The Last 9 British Prime Ministers
8 Prime ministers going back as far as anyone voting will have known
The first 9 Prime Ministers of the last 120 years

Unicorns are not renowned for their math skills, we are much better at glitter farts, looking pretty, and self-defence, but this unicorn has worked out that this means in the last 112 years In Britain, you have had;

  • 3 Liberal Prime Ministers, for a total of 16 years.  The last Liberal Prime Minister was Herbert Henry Asquith, he left office in 1916.  So in the last 101 years, you have never ever had a liberal Prime Minister in power, unless you count the coalition with the Conservatives, or Tories as you humans prefer to call them.

  • 6 Labour Prime Ministers, for a total of just over 23 years.  James Ramsey MacDonald in 1924, was only Prime Minister for a few months in 1924, which is why I said just over.  The last time you had a real Labour Prime Minister in power in Britain was 41 years ago when Harold Wilson left office in 1976.  Just to be clear on this, after all the reading, and listening to the various things this feisty Unicorn has, I have not included Tony Blair and Gordon Brown as Labour Prime Ministers, because, well, they were not real Labour people.  I know sometimes it seems to take a Unicorn to state the blindingly obvious, but New Labour were not real Labour.  They were TID, rather like CID – they both like the colour Blue, they are both in disguise, but are not always very good at the disguise part, meaning you can tell them a mile off.

  • You have had no less than 17 Tory Prime Ministers, they have been in charge of Britain for 81 years in the last 112 years as I went back to 1905 not 1900 for these figures.  

That probably shocks some of you, doesn’t it?  I have heard a lot from humans – even when they haven’t realised because we Unicorns have the power to read minds.  The overwhelming majority of humans alive in Britain today believe it does not matter who they give power to next month because they firmly believe all politicians are all the same.  ‘They all piss in the same pot’, I believe is the correct colloquialism.  Well I fail to see how many of you have come to this conclusion, given that unlike Unicorns humans are not immortal, how on earth could any of you aged below 40 even know?!  You have never ever known a real opposition party be in power by themselves, you have only known a Tory & Lib Dem coalition.  I will repeat again, for those who didn’t see or have forgotten, ‘New Labour’, Blair, Brown, and the rest of that particular rabble were not real Labour.  In doing what they did, they have left an unfortunate slur on the name of the Labour party, which is part of the reason some people will not vote for Labour.  I understand that the lies are at the heart of the reason you believe this, you were led into an illegal war, the economy was sunk, banks and building societies needed bailing out by you, the great British public – because let’s face it, it was your money, your taxes which went to bail everyone out of the mire.  If you are still in any doubt whatsoever over where Tony Blairs true alliegience lies, then please allow this Unicorn to present you with some rather compelling information, which you may have missed with the rest of the election stuff that is going on.

Your old Prime Minister, Mr Blair has been speaking about all things general election, and the man who claims to be a member of the Labour party recently said the following;

He also praised Theresa May, arguing: “She’s very sensible, she’s a very decent person, she’s very solid, I agree with a lot she says.”

Mr Blair has previously admitted that he “wouldn’t want to win on an old-fashioned leftist platform” like Jeremy Corbyn’s, “even if I thought it was the route to victory”.

Sourced from – https://southlincslibdems.org.uk/en/article/2017/1210228/consider-voting-tory-or-lib-dems-over-brexit-tony-blair-says

You can find this story online, from many different newspapers, & websites.  The main part of his argument is surrounding Brexit, and how he thinks you should vote for getting the easiest withdrawal for the British public from the EU.  But just look at that again humans, one of the men who some of you humans spotted as a Tory plant inside Labour, the rest, however, are of the belief he represents the Labour party in general.  He has just stuck up for the Tory party, and Theresa May.  I will also tell you in case you don’t read the article, or others on this, he is also threatening a return to Politics!

That brings me nicely on to the next issue which I think you people suffer from, the inability to look beyond the one public face leading a party, the one face who will become Prime Minister.  I happen to know that a lot of you are refusing to vote for Labour because you do not like Jeremy Corbyn.  Which begs the question do you like Theresa May?!  If not then as ever, this Unicorn is very confused with the way humans think.  All I have seen for a long time now is how badly the Tory party run the Country,  I have seen it for myself, in all honesty, I wouldn’t let any of that party brush my mane, or polish my head weapon/horn.  But some of you are going to vote for a Tory you dislike, a Tory party you dislike, and risk having them in power for many years yet despite how bad they are at the job.   Are you really going to cut your noses off to spite your faces?  Let me take highlight a few things for you here & now.  The prime minister is basically a talking head.  They do not have complete and utter control, the government has different people in charge of different areas, so for instance in charge of the NHS you have the health minister, in charge of the armed forces you have the defence secretary.  This is not a popularity contest between May and Corbyn, or any other talking head people.  This is you deciding, given all the available information, which party you are putting in charge of Britain in June.  What you need to be looking at is which party you trust, which party do think will make an effort to meet their campaign pledges, & which are just spouting things you have been complaining about out as policies to try and sway your vote?  Which party have proven historically they do not stick to what they say, what they promise is what they think you want to hear.  Now this Unicorn is not silly, and I am going to believe that most humans are not deep down, I seem to pick up a lot of misunderstanding and fear from many humans about many issues.  I understand your doubt, I had doubts before leaving Mars to come to Earth, but we unicorns have a saying, “Fear is only in our minds, but it’s taking over all the time”  Having known nothing else, I am sure some of your concerns are due to experiencing what we Unicorns describe as drip fed doubt syndrome.  I have noticed that many of your media outlets contain a lot of untruths or extremely manipulated versions of the truth.  You are told whose to blame for things by certain ‘newspapers’, even though a lot of you seem to be aware of some of it, many humans are not.  They think the other humans are conspiracy theorists, that they are a little bit barmy, that they do not know what they are talking about.  Thank goodness you have not got a head with a weapon on like we Unicorns, or I think you’d wipe each other our some days with your constant sniping and biting at each other.  Instead of arguing amongst yourselves you should be taking it upon yourselves to find out the real facts, discussing them with your family, friends, neighbours, see what the people closest to you think, so you can go make an informed vote.  I will also urge you again people to look at your own history.

The next part you human beings need to consider is what the main manifesto pledges, from each party the General Election 2017 are.  Do they meet your needs, do your think they are fair to the many, do you think they are pledges which even if you don’t totally agree with them, you compromise on in order to vote the best party into power.  For example, let us take a look at where each of the main parties stands on this dreadful Brexit business as this seems to be all many humans talk about.

To Brexit or not to Brexit

– Lib Dem – Their manifesto is to include a promise for holding another referendum about leaving the EU & the final Brexit deal.  The party would campaign for a Remain outcome.  Tim Farron has said campaigning against “hard” Brexit will be “front and centre” of the party’s election campaign. The party says the UK should remain in the single market and a vote should take place on the “final deal” between the UK and the European Union.   

– Labour’s shadow Brexit Secretary Sir Keir Starmer stated there will not be a second referendum if Labour were elected.  He did say there would have to be transitional arrangements at the end of the two-year Article 50 process.  He says Labour would prioritise our trade with the EU; it may mean Britain stay in the customs union, & would hopefully give EU citizens a guarantee they would be able to carry on living sin Britain, They would replace the government’s proposed Great Repeal Bill –  Britain would no longer be legally held to the 1972 European Communities Act, but some of the laws which we have been living by in the UK which were EU law, would be put forward to become UK law, they aim to do this with an EU Rights and Protections Bill.

 – Tory leader Theresa May has said there is “Absolutely no way” the UK can remain part of the single market.  She believes that would be the equivalent of “not actually leaving the EU”. She also says the UK needs to secure a new customs agreement, as things stand being part of the customs union prevents the UK being able to sign up on trade deals globally.  She has said voters need to show how much they are behind her, with a huge turn out & vote in favour of the Tory party.  She claims that this will boost her position when she is in talks with the rest of the EU, regarding Brexit.

– SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon is still pushing for Scotland voted to have a special status within the EU after Brexit, this will include remaining in the single market, as Scotland voted to remain. She is also calling for a second referendum with regard to Scottish independence from England, before the Brexit package has been finalised.

– The Green Party have said they would offer a second referendum on the details of any Brexit deal, this referendum will give all those aged 16 upwards the right to vote.

You should have some idea after reading that which party you would vote for if it were on this subject alone.  However it is not the only one, I have heard Labour want to give all school children free school dinners, the Tories are pledging to improve mental health services, just as a couple of examples.  Now I am quite a good Unicorn when it comes to bringing you the information you need, I am however also a very busy Unicorn, I am getting my Hooves done soon, so do not have the time to sit & tell you what every manifesto, from every party contains.  You can go & look at that online, a word of warning from me, just be careful where you are sourcing news from, & the golden unwritten law of your cyber world, is that you should never ever rely on just one or two sources, look at lots of different articles, from many different sources.  You should from that be able to figure out which you agree with, and which you don’t. `And there you have it humans, the best way in which to decide where to cast your vote in a couple of weeks time.  My final advice is to you all, to not let your mind be swayed by others, friends, family, people or Unicorns on the internet.  It will be you who are amongst those who have to live with the outcome of the election.  If there are no spaces for Unicorns anymore, or if you collectively make a huge mistake, then I can fly back over to Mars to escape the consequences.  As yet humans do not possess that power, you do possess a mind, a heart, & a right to vote.  I hope this weary Unicorn has helped you a little bit, to better decide, or how else to think about where to put your vote,

I will be back sooner or later, as I have lots of things I have been investigating lately, & a, looking forward to bring you those stories. Until then, over & out!

Anyone doubting how Tory Tiny Tony & Big Blue Brown were, coloured graph 2015, other 2 present day May 2017, even the current Tory party are not as far right

May 2017

Labour politics map May 2017



There are probably some humans out there, who would question whether the NHS spending money on Mr Pearson is a waste of resources. As a visitor to your fine planet I strongly urge you to reconsider.

* Without Mr Pearson being kept in fine physical health, he would not be able to give his opinion on this matter.

* I have done a little bit of what you humans refer to as learning during my time on your planet. It would seem to me that it is likely Mr Pearson may have some kind of mental health problem. This could be making him come out with random statements – rather like Tourrettes. Treatment of mental health problems are just as important as treatment of physical ones. Without adequate assistance from the NHS it’s not beyond the realms of possibility, this man may go on suffering in silence – nobody would want that.

* Nigel is a local councillor for an area called Chard North, in Somerset. Nigel probably can’t afford to pay for private health care. That is another thing I have learnt since my arrival on Earth, nobody in this type of job is earning much money. They work tirelessly for the good of everyone on Earth, those in their Country, & local district, for very little in return.

* Freedom of speech seems to be a thing human beings are very proud of, & you will do anything to defend that freedom. If someone happens to disagree then it seems the way to solve things is to engage in name calling (I have noted humans are very lazy with their insults to be honest. Snowflake, social justice warrior, lefty, libtard, straw man, I fail to see how such words are an insult, but hey I am from Mars, so what do I know?).  
Without both sides of a book how do you keep the pages between in order?  It would be a real shame if you could not use the content of a book to evidence that something within the book is not that great. So we don’t want Nigel to be quiet, the more he talks the better. So again we absolutely must keep him healthy.

* To suggest Mr Pearson is a waste of resources, while arguing LGBT are not, is doing the self same thing as he is doing. Now as an Alien looking in on the human race, it would seem that this is exactly what making a controversial remark is designed to do. The controversial remarks are a set up.  And anyone who reduces themselves to the base level of what they are protesting against, is not going to help their side of the coin – as they wanted all along, those making these wild suggestions now have you looking bad.  So while this Alien thinks that the LGBT community here on earth are more than entitled to NHS funds being spent on them, I believe UKIP members & Mr Pearson are entitled to the same.

* On Mars we are able to tell by looking at someone if they are suffering from rising bile. This is an awful condition, it’s extremely painful, often debilitating. I can’t say for sure without speaking to him face to face, but from his picture it seems likely to me Nigel is suffering with rising bile. I think that is something that the NHS could treat for him, poor Nigel. Good job all you humans are sort of entitled to the same as one another!

* Nigel looks like he’s at the age when prostate cancer is much more likely to become an issue for males.  Regular prostate examination is required, & to deprive Nigel of a prostate examination is to deny him his human rights. I think I used human rights in the right context there?

Thanks for reading my take on this article.

A Unicorn from Mars

Ukip councillor Nigel Pearson claimed spending on LGBT services has ‘put out’ people (Picture: Somerset County Council)The NHS is in crisis because too much money is being wasted on LGBT services, a Ukip councillor has claimed. Nigel Pearson, a councillor for Chard North in Somerset, said the NHS has wasted £20,000 on ‘funding the gay, lesbian, bisexual…

via Ukip councillor says NHS is wasting money on LGBT services — Metro

Explosive: Labour’s OWN legal case says must expel Progress, Labour First etc

My pet human had the following to say about this story:

About time!  Labour going back to what I thought Labour was about when I was young.   I assumed they were a party for Labourers – normal people, the every day man. By the time I could start to have a say in terms of voting, the head of the Labour party was someone who didn’t appear to be any different to the Conservative party members.  The Labour party was now “new labour”, Tony grinning Blair who I couldn’t stand led Labour to victory, but he was not someone I could vote for.
For the first time in my life I see someone at the helm of the Labour party, who is not as pretencious, who really does actually seem to care about people.  That man is Jeremy Corbyn.

Politics & human views on things seem rather odd to this Unicorn. I have seen & heard much from the Tory party about austerity, I have to say I’m a tad confused.  They seem to like the poor people to be really poor, but the rich people to be very rich. I asked my pet human about this, here is what it had to say:

It seems strange to me too Unicorn the way things have gone almost full circle.  
I always remember my Dad sitting watching the news at 6. I did not care much for the news back then, I was a kid, & everything on it always seemed so miserable & soul destroying.   One of my Dads favourite sayings was that the Government were like Robin Hood in reverse, they stole from the poor to give to the rich.  I know he absolutely hated Margaret That her because of what she did to the miners, & I have some memories of riots about poll tax.  When she was no longer Prime Minister I remember it was John someone – John Major I think.  My Dad hated him too, & I have to say that I didn’t much like the look of him, he always seemed to be smiling at you, not with you.  My Dad & I were pretty divided on a lot of topics, he didn’t like Tony Blair either, but he supported Margaret Thatcher & Tony Blair when it came to war.  I loved my Dad very much & always will, but he was also a man who didn’t like a lot of things.  He didn’t like Europe, women being able to drive let alone fly planes, same sex relationships, immigrants, anyone who was in any way different to him, & what he knew. Most of all he hated the Tories, & New Labour because they were not true Labour.  He was a member of the RAF, & understandably in many ways he despised Sinn Fein, Gerry Adams,  & the IRA.  
Had my Dad still been with us now I’m not sure what he would have thought about the politicians on offer.  I am fairly certain he would not be a fan of Corbyn, despite him being in most ways all the things my Dad wanted in a Prime minister.  I know he would have hated the Tories attacking the sick & disabled, but would have voted to leave the EU – I have absolutely no doubt in that because my Dad was racist, & Zenophobic.  The young me never really knew how to feel when he would say ‘All gays should be shot at birth’.  From a very young age I knew that I liked men & women, & a part of me always wondered if he wanted me dead then?  He was extremely proud of our British history, WWI, WWII & being victorious in defeating Hitler.  I can’t say I was fully aware back then of just how awful Hitler & the Nazi party were. I am also surprised to realise that my Dad would have been one of the people online now who get called bigots. Despite his hatred for the Tories, Thatcher, Germany even decades later, Blair, Elitism, the class divide in Britain, the IRA & so on, my Dad would have been one of the people who fell for the tactics used by the likes of Nigel Farage, & the Tories to blame everything on immigration, & the EU.  I can’t say I know what he would think about the American President who is in power right now.  He would not have liked him because he is rich, because of the obvious links to Russia, for many things, but in other ways he would be behind him – bombing Syria, & his views on Muslims for example.  
The older I have become, the more I actually feel pity for my Dad. I don’t believe he was a bad person, I think he was doing the best he could.  There were many things which made him afraid, & his own upbringing probably played a massive role in how he was shaped as a person. I inherited his love for Rock, Heavy metal, & real music, as did my brother.   I think my Dad for the most part missed many of the messages in music though.  He loved Black Sabbath, partly because they came from a humble, working class area, & that his own Dad was from Birmingham – where Ozzy & Co came from.  I don’t think he ever got the concept behind the song war pigs for example.  He most definitely didn’t understand the Wall album by Pink Floyd, he thought some of the lyrics in that album were used in the way he used the same sort of words & insults.  I have to wonder if he would be able to see what is happening in the world right now, how peoples minds are being messed around with. For for all intents & purposes, in a realm of fantasy, my Dad would have been himself as Hitler, fighting himself as Jeremy Corbyn.  
So I while I do find things right now odd, & I don’t like the way my Dad or those of the same kind of that mindset think, I can feel some empathy for some of those people. Not everyone who is alt-right or whatever we are calling it this week are bad people, just like all those who are lefties are good people.  Most people are just not very well informed,  & in some cases I think it can be beneficial not to be, for your own peace of mind if nothing else.  
I definitely see through the mind games & propaganda these parties use,  & I’m grateful that growing up as I did, being surrounded by the views held by my Dad (& my Mum, she has mellowed more now, but sadly she still falls for the likes of Britain First & UKIP). The views he had helped make me to the mostly grounded, well rounded, & open minded person I am today.

That is the hardest thing to overcome for many people though. They are brought up hearing hate, & they never bother to challenge that in their own minds.   They are quite happy to allow to be proud of defeating people who believed we should all be the same, yet support people who for personal gain prefer us to dislike those who are not the same as us.  If anyone truly believes that Nigel Farage hates the EU so much,  perhaps you should have a look at where his current wife, & ex-wife came from.  If you think he was interested in the working classes, & that leaving Europe is the right thing for the ordinary citizens,  go back & re-read what he promised, read again what Mr Cameron said, it was extremely telling that Davey Boy said he would remain prime minister whatever the results of the referendum, how many hours he intended to stay if the vote was leave, was the part he should have told you all.  I invite you to have a look at individual MPs, what seems to unite most of them, & Britain with America – nothing like a good real life game of Thunderbirds to further strengthen that special relationship!  The last time an English prime minister & an American president played battleships they succeeded in making a small group of Muslims so angry at seeing their friends, family, Country being ripped apart by missiles, they went on to create a group to stand up for what they believe in. You may have heard of them, they’re called ISIS.  Go do some research, look at where the most money is made – there is no weapons are us shops, but we sell more of those than we do toys in this Country.

This Unicorn thinks the line from a song my pet human likes is a good way to sum this up:

‘As popular war advances, peace is closer’

A Unicorn From Mars would like to thank The Skwawkbox for the original story.


The SKWAWKBOX has been covering a series of emails between Weaver Vale CLP (constituency Labour party) and Labour’s General Secretary, Iain McNicol, on the subject of damaging right-wing groups like Progress, Labour First, Saving Labour and others – and why their members are not expelled from the party.

mcnicol dishonourIn the most recent, dated the 13th of last month, McNicol attempted to avoid responsibility for taking action against those groups, who have relentlessly undermined the party and its leader, by claiming that the fact that they do not stand candidates against Labour, they were not in breach of the party’s rules.

The patent nonsense of that argument was pointed out brilliantly by Weaver Vale. But now new information has emerged that shows not only that McNicol’s argument is nonsense – but that at the same time, Labour was using the exact opposite argument in a court of law to expel a…

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